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By host on
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
 “...but, I have to be reasonable. I mean I can’t try to make a career for myself in something I have no experience in, right?” exclaims Bill.
I frequently get this type of comment. Many people who I come into contact with make similar comments. Without realizing it, they have already put limits on themselves before they even try.
Have you ever secretly fantasized about what it would be like to actually work in another profession? Some people have hidden passions to work in a line of work that is totally unrelated to their current careers or outward personalities.
A former colleague of mine who is an extremely analytical person who has taught statistics at the college level had a secret passion to be in the music business. Earlier this year, this individual decided he would try out his fantasy career and promote a significant musical performance here in the US for an internationally known artist of India. He and a minor partner organized and managed every aspect of this event from booking the artist, obtaining the venue, marketing, promotion, logistics, etc. for over 600 audience members. The interesting thing is he did this mostly all on his own while working full-time at a major healthcare corporation. And, to top it off, he actually made money on the event! Not bad for a first timer.
You may never know how much success is in store for you if you never try.
So, Bill (and all of you reading this article), you have every right to stay within your comfort zone. And you also have every right to test out a totally new profession. You can simply try it out on the side to see if it is something you may want to pursue further.
Here are some ideas for testing the waters of your fantasy vocation:
· Volunteer for an organization in the field of your choice
· Obtain a part-time or weekend position with a company or industry
· Work as an apprentice for someone in your desired profession
· Take a class or seminar related to your passion
· Write a complete story about what it would be like to work in your desired field
· Dedicate a brief period of time such as a vacation period, long weekend, or leave of absence from your current job to explore opportunities in your wanted career
· Schedule an “informational interview” or informal lunch with one or more individuals from an organization related to your beloved line of work
· Set aside a few weeks or months to work on the side of your current job
· Read books, journals, magazines and other literature related to your interest
· Join associations or organizations related to your trial profession
There are many more ideas that you may have. Try one and see what happens!
Copyright 2009 Doreen Amatelli. All Rights Reserved
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By host on
Monday, June 22, 2009
It has been known that anger, hostility and stress are associated with heart disease, asthma and other ailments. Is it possible that happiness can lead to a better life?
Recent science suggests that happiness can lead to good performance, better health, resilience and a long life. According to one study conducted by Professor Ed Diener from the University of Illinois, happy people live longer than depressed people by approximately 9 years!
“I’ll be happy when… ”. Most people assume that success or achieving a certain outcome in the future will make them happy. But a review of over 200 studies by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that it’s usually the other way around. Happiness tends to make people more successful in terms of fulfilling relationships, high incomes, superior work performance, community involvement and robust health.
How do you increase your happiness? The three main ingredients for a person to be happy are:
1) Having deep relationships with family and friends
2) Believing in something bigger than yourself (e.g. religion, spirituality, philosophy of life)
3) Having goals that you strongly believe, that utilize your strengths and abilities and that you find enjoyable.
This month, choose one of these three elements to work on to improve your overall happiness. It just might change your life!
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, January 26, 2009
Have you ever expected an upcoming event to be wonderful only to have it turn out to be disappointing, or worse? Conversely, have you ever feared or stressed about a future event only to find out that it wasn’t as bad as you had once imagined? Think about it.
Recently I had an opportunity to visit some places I had gone to on vacation when I was a child, like Hershey Park, PA. I have childhood memories of a magical place with a huge, picturesque amusement park, street lights shaped like Hershey Kisses that stood high above the ground, and key chains and other souvenirs that smelled like chocolate heaven.
I went back with the hopes of offering a similar experience to my family, and I experienced something quite different. It was a noisy amusement park with less of a picturesque backdrop and a strong commercial atmosphere where souvenirs of every shape, size and variety of Hershey’s chocolate imaginable are found on an entire floor of Hershey’s Chocolate World. I found it interesting that despite my disappointment, my family and I had a wonderful time. Why were my experiences so different? What had changed?
The difference is in our perspectives or perceptions. What is real for children seems imagined to adults. Things that appear to be huge at one time can turn out to seem so small later on. Try this to see how you can apply this...
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What is the one thing that seems to be the biggest fear, barrier or problem facing you right now—your boss, money, your family, boredom, etc.?
- Project yourself into the future (e.g. 1 week, 3 months, or 5 years) looking back on your problem you were faced with today.
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How does this problem appear to you from the future? What feelings come up when you imagine this problem from the future perspective?
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How does this situation appear if the situation was over or the problem solved? What feelings come up when you imagine it from this perspective?
Journal your insights or talk with a trusted friend or coach about your experiences.
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, January 26, 2009
What would you do if you won the lottery? Would you pay off your bills, take a trip, buy a car, share it with family or charity? Then what…maybe invest some of it? What would you do next? Think about it... what if you truly had no more money issues?
What would you do to fill up your time? It’s a nice dream, isn’t it? The freedom that we often associate with landing such a shot in the dark opportunity seems so enticing. What would you do with it… the freedom, I mean? According to various studies of past lottery winners many people end up going back to work, just to feel useful. What if these people felt a larger purpose for being, a mission or life passion? Then they could use that gift of freedom to conduct activities that were in line with their life passions or missions.
So, why wait for the lottery to live your passion or mission. Why not start shifting from doing inauthentic activities to more authentic ones. Authentic activities are those that are in closest alignment with your purpose for being. Inauthentic activities are out of alignment.
How do we shift from less authentic to more authentic activities in our careers without going broke? For those of us who are essential breadwinners in our households this doesn’t appear easy or possible to achieve. Have you ever tried it? Do you know anyone who has? You probably think I’m crazy for even suggesting it’s possible to earn a living doing more of what you love and less of what you don’t.
I’m here to say I’m living it, but I don’t for a second believe I am so different from anyone else. I truly believe it is due to the driving force behind my actions... my passion/mission. My actions are ways that I strive to express my mission in all aspects of my life. Yes, I do falter and come up against unforeseen challenges, but I ask myself how I can view them as breakthroughs to another level of attaining better clarity around my mission and perhaps new ways to express that mission.
I know that underneath the fears and doubts that come up from time to time, we are all here on this earth for a purpose. That nagging desire to discover and live your mission will keep you on course to live each day as if you had that winning lottery ticket!
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, January 26, 2009
Have you ever tried to walk across a small stream in the woods using the stones that lie randomly in the water? Your purpose may be to get to the other side, but you focus on each and every step you take on your path. You look for stones that are visible, within reach and have the ability to bear your weight. With each next step you repeat the same process.
Your eyes stay down intently focused on the next closest stone. Occasionally you look up to judge if you are headed in the direction of your goal, and you adjust your course if necessary. You may not always be able to take the shortest path because there aren’t enough solid stones in which to step.
Once you are several steps out you notice how far you’ve come. You question whether you should continue or go back. But, the path to get back may seem just as unclear as what lies ahead. You move on, being cautious of loose rocks that might wobble as the current gets stronger and deeper. But, you persevere knowing that each step is a step closer to your goal.
Finally you reach your goal and a great sense of achievement washes over you. You celebrate your success and continue on your journey with more enthusiasm and confidence.
Perseverance—defined as “a steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement” (Dictionary.com)
How often do you set out on a goal and freeze when faced with obstacles and give up? But are you really giving up?
When you freeze in the face of a challenge it’s like being stuck in the middle of the stream not sure if you should continue, or even how to continue, or go back.
When you are stuck in the middle of your stream, take a moment to ask yourself, ‘What would be the outcome if I were to go back?’
‘How would I feel if I were to give up my goal?’
Then ask yourself,
‘What would be the outcome if I were to continue on?’
‘How would I feel if I were to achieve my goal?’
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, January 26, 2009
When I was growing up my father would often help me with my homework, as parents often do. When faced with difficult math problems or deciding on a topic for an English paper, I would become very frustrated. The more frustrated I got the worse the situation became. My dad had an interesting way of coaching me through this. Instead of forcing me to concentrate more, he advised me to step away from the table, go in the other room or take a walk outside to clear my head. He assured me that upon my return to the problem at hand I would have my answer. This much needed “mind time-out” was usually all it took to overcome the current challenge.
Our minds enjoy thinking of past and future events, especially in business. We are constantly planning for the future and reflecting on the past to prevent future mistakes. This process works well, but many times it can overshadow the significant benefits a brief “mind time-out” can reap. Taking a break from the continuous “mind chatter” can help to propel us forward with less struggle.
Quiet your mind.
How often do you just rest your mind? Can you sit for several minutes with a quiet mind or do your thoughts continue to race— thinking of what you need to do the rest of the day, tomorrow, or next week?
Try this test. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Take a slow deep breath in, hold for 4 seconds and exhale slowly. Try not to think. When a thought comes in, visualize it in a bubble floating up and out of your mind. Continue putting thoughts in bubbles until your mind can remain quiet for a few minutes at a time.
With practice, you will be able to remain quiet for longer and longer stretches. At first, practice this exercise for a couple of minutes every morning. A great place for beginners is in the shower (that’s where this newsletter topic came to me one morning). As you are able to quiet your mind on command, you will benefit from being better able to overcome challenging, stressful situations as they arise.
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, January 26, 2009
When my son was about 2 years old I took him to his daycare center where he had been going for about a year. One day we visited the new toddler room that he would be attending the following week. He hesitated to walk into that new room and held tightly onto my hand (which was quite unusual behavior for him). It took him several minutes before he would let go and explore his new surroundings.
My practical mind told me that he was just being an average child who is cautious about entering a new environment. His intuition was most likely telling him that this new room was not going to be a nice place. For nearly one year, he cried almost uncontrollably each day I left him there. It broke my heart as I rationalized it away saying that he must be going through a stage since other children cried as well. Later on, I found out that many of the other parents also had concerns and subsequently pulled their children out of that daycare. Since then, I pay more attention to the times when my son shows apprehension in a new environment.
Intuition is the internal sense that one receives about an idea, decision, person, place, etc. Many times it comes as a “gut feeling” or a sense of discomfort and at first glance we can’t figure it out. This intuition is sending us a message that many times is often misinterpreted or ignored completely. In Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Blink” the author suggests that many decisions can and should be made based on our “snap conclusions” (or intuition) since our ultimate decisions would most likely yield the same result.
How do you use your intuition at work? Work (business especially) is thought to be very practical. Decisions are typically based on sound research, analysis, preparation and then implementation and follow up. Does intuition have a place in the workplace and where might it be? Can it be a gauge for our decisions?
The next time you are faced with a work related decision (preferably one that has two or three options), try this:
1) Think of one of the options and notice the immediate sensation you get when you think of it. (It could be strong or light or even a tingling sensation)
2) Notice where in your body this sensation is. Is it in your gut? chest? throat? hands? face?
3) Try to name the feeling that comes along with that intuition. Do you feel fear? anger? nausea? elated? excitement?
4) Repeat from step 1 holding the other option in mind
5) Decide which option feels better relative to the other (s). This may be slightly different for everyone and each situation. The option that brings more feelings or deeper feelings of lightness, ease or peace is generally the more effective decision.
The more you practice this the easier it will be to notice the sensations and make the most effective action!
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Thursday, July 24, 2008
 You may have heard that effective communication is critical to building and maintaining good personal and professional relationships. This is very important since most of us spend 70% of our day communicating, and 45% of that time is spent listening. A great way to build better relationships with others is to improve our listening skills. Generally, there are 3 levels of listening that have different types of responses. A person who listens at Level 1 listens for how to apply what the other person is saying. A Level 2 listener responds with respect to the thought process of the other person. The most effective listening level is Level 3. At this level, the listener reflects the feelings behind the words of the other person.
Here are 2 examples with 3 different responses. As you read think about which sounds more like your typical response?
Example #1:
- ”I am planning to take a trip to Europe next summer. I have been saving up for a long time and I can’t wait to go.”
Response
Level 1
- I remember when I traveled to Europe. I had a lot of fun. I really liked Rome and Paris.
Level 2
- That’s great. What airline are you taking? What’s your itinerary? Make sure your passport is up to date.
Level 3
- It sounds like you are very excited about this trip and really looking forward to going.
Example #2:
- I didn’t get the job. I had a great interview and I thought they really liked me. I don’t know what happened.
Response
Level 1
- That’s a bummer. Maybe you didn’t dress appropriately. I know the last time I didn’t get a job that I wanted I thought it might have been because I wasn’t wearing the right suit.
Level 2
- Sorry to hear that. Did you mention your experience working in that industry? Maybe you could call them to find out why you didn’t get the job.
Level 3
- It is disappointing to not get the result you expected after so much preparation for the interview. It also sounds like you may be a little bit confused about why you didn’t get the job.
Over the next few weeks, try listening and responding at level 3 with the people who are most important to you in your life. Notice any changes in the conversation or even in the relationship.
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Thursday, July 24, 2008
 5 Steps to Set and Achieve Your Goals
With this 5-Part E-Course, You Will Get:
- Greater clarity around your goals and which goals to pursue first
- Simple techniques to define your goals and put them into action
- An actionable design plan that maps your goals, milestones and specific action steps
- 5 complete lessons delivered right to your email inbox
- Direct support as you go through each step from Doreen Amatelli, Certified Professional Development Coach and other students of this course via the discussion board on www.waytogoal.com
- Free bonus
Click here... http://waytogoal-com.web06.winsvr.net/portals/0/30_Day_goals/Goal_Setting_Ecourse.html
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
 In my early 20’s, I hated networking. When I joined AT&T I thought the idea of using your relationships to get something was deceitful and dishonest. Read on…..
Jim (name changed), was an “idea man” and one of the best networkers (or con artists) I ever met. Jim was a co-worker who was hired into our marketing department from sales. Something struck me about him. Every time I had to meet with him about a work-related issue, he was always willing to talk with me—about everything except work! Furthermore, I always seem to leave our meetings with the responsibility of the action item. After a few more meetings like this, I realized what he was doing. When I confronted him, he replied, “I’m not much of an implementer.” Well, at least he was aware of his weaknesses. Jim got this job through his co-worker, who he used to work with in the sales field, who also was just hired into our department. Hmmm!
I quickly discovered that many people who were offered career opportunities were not, in my opinion, better at their job than I was. In fact, many of them were less qualified. So, how do these people survive or even thrive in a company?
Well, it’s been said that people will do business with whom they know and like. In fact, if two people applied for a position or bid on a project with the exact same qualifications and background, the one who would most likely get the job would be the one who is better liked by the hiring manager.
Look at it another way. Regardless of the person’s ability to do the job, would you rather work with someone you like or someone you didn’t?
So, is networking a bad thing? If you consciously choose to connect with your contacts in order to obtain something, is that dishonest? I guess it would be if you didn’t have the substance behind you to support your claims or if you didn’t offer information or opportunities for others to network with your contacts.
Networks are present in all facets of our lives—our brains are made of neural networks, businesses like MCI offered a long-distance discount service called “Friends and Family”. And, probably the biggest network that revolutionized new ways and opportunities for sharing information is the internet. I recently was invited to attend a virtual network that, when invited, you are linked with the people with whom your host knows and with whom they know, and so on. Through this medium, I have met new business associates and reconnected with past co-workers.
Over the years in corporate America and now in my own business, I realize that networking is especially valuable and fulfilling to both those with whom I network and those who want to network with me.
In this life, we are all connected anyway (by at most 6 degrees, I have discovered), so why not encourage and strengthen these connections when we can. Needless to say, I no longer hate networking!
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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emmerson
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