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Are you going through a career, relationship or lifestyle transition?
Do you feel stuck, frustrated and don't know what to do next?
Are you looking for ways to help you develop yourself personally to achieve your goals?
Going through life transitions can feel like climbing a mountain with rocky paths, confusing directions, and unclear outcomes.
In the face of uncertainty, what can we rely on? Who can we trust? How can we make confident life decisions? Where do we turn to explore our options, better understand ourselves and create the best life we can?
Deep inside each of us, we possess an unlimited supply of inner strength and expansive wisdom. That inner wisdom is like our own “inner GPS” guiding each of us in the direction we are meant to go, if we can simply allow ourselves to listen to and trust it. That powerful, all knowing, inner wisdom is there in all of us, lying dormant until we are ready to surrender all other influences, tune inward and trust.
Learning how to access and tap that ultimate place of strength, energy, vitality and personal unstoppable power and so much more is the essence of Way to Goal! which offers effective tools, training, personal coaching and support to help people take authentic, inspired action that is in alignment with their true spirit.
These skills and others can be learned:
- Build your own self-confidence
- Discover and maintain personal balance
- Break habits of thinking and behavior that fail to serve you
- Relax and re-energize
- Gain increased clarity about your life purpose and direction
- Make effective decisions
- Confidently communicate your genuine needs and desires
- Empower yourself to take the “right” action
- Set and achieve personal goals that are aligned with your true self
Way to Goal! offers workshops, tools and coaching to help you de-stress and find your personal balance, build your self-confidence and personal power, gain better clarity around your choices and life direction.
 Doreen Amatelli, MBA, PCC, NLP is a certified professional life coach. Her experience coaching many clients through significant life transitions such as career, relationships, and lifestyle, as well as her own personal and professional transitions provide a strong foundation for an effective coaching experience where clients can learn to manage their transitions better and maybe even flourish during those changes.
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Friday, April 29, 2011
 Making any major change in life can be daunting. Career shifts, relationship changes, lifestyle transitions, and overcoming personal development obstacles can feel quite overwhelming and scary. The frustration, the lack of clarity, the lack of confidence can be great. Fear of making the wrong decision can stop you in your tracks. Not knowing where you are going in the future can lead you to make choices that fail to serve you. Feeling like there are no right decisions, you can remain stuck going over and over the same issues in your mind with no resolution. A confused mind always says no.
If only you had a clear path that you could feel confident is the best for you. Someone or something that you could trust and rely on to be sure you are making the “right” decisions. You can get in your own way without realizing it. The current situation, past history or other people get the blame or credit for the current circumstances. What you may crave is confidence, trust, clarity and support. Feeling powerless to change in the face of change appears real and maybe insurmountable especially without the necessary compassionate support of others.
What is real and can be relied upon is the unlimited inner strength and wisdom we all possess deep inside each of us. That inner wisdom is the non-judgmental part of use that acts like our own “inner GPS” guiding us in the direction each of us is meant to go, if we can allow ourselves to listen to and trust it. That powerful, all knowing, inner wisdom is there in all of us, lying dormant until we are ready to surrender all other influences, tune inward and trust.
Once we listen we may feel a glimpse of clarity or ease. And it is up to us to decide if we want to take action in the direction our inner wisdom is guiding us. Choosing not to listen means we don’t understand or trust that “inner GPS” then we may play and experiment a bit before we can put our full faith in it. Maybe we’ll run it by others close to us to see what they think. Maybe we’ll take a few steps in the direction we are being guided carefully assessing at each moment if it’s in line with what we want. Maybe we start with some smaller goal or challenge and let our inner GPS guide us toward a path. There is no fail proof way other than to experiment.
When making a big life decision, it’s only when we are in full alignment with our values, our beliefs and inner spirit that we can truly know we are making the right decision for us. And that takes conscious effort to explore ourselves, our values, beliefs, abilities, identities and spirit. That doesn’t mean we can’t make good decisions otherwise. It just means that listening inwardly can give us a greater sense of confidence in situations where we feel the most uneasy or conflicted.
Doreen Amatelli, MBA, PCC, NLP is a certified professional life coach and workshop/seminar leader specializing in personal growth and self-development as the basis for helping people achieve their goals. She is a compassionate and intuitive listener and speaker who identifies practical yet creative options for helping people navigate through major life transitions. Through her workshops, seminars, and coaching she teaches individuals and audiences tools, techniques and concepts to overcome their roadblocks, opening a clear path to achieving their goals. Copyright 2011 Doreen Amatelli. All Rights Reserved
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, April 26, 2010
 “I’m having trouble communicating with a colleague at work. He just doesn’t listen to me.” This is a common complaint among my clients. There are many reasons why two people can have difficulty communicating, and although it may be interesting to delve into those reasons, it can be counter productive. Instead practice some of these techniques and learn how to gain rapport. You may find it is the answer to your problem. When two people are in rapport, they naturally mimic each other’s body language, speak in similar ways and focus their attention on a common subject. If you learn to consciously adopt these behaviors, you can gain rapport and open up the lines of communication.
Here are a few suggestions on how to gain rapport:
- Eliminate obstacles between you and the other person
The next time you see the person with whom you have difficulty communicating, sit or stand next to him or her. Don’t position yourself directly face-to-face. Also, try to avoid any obstruction such as a table or wall between you and the other person. Notice any differences in the interaction.
- Match the other person’s behavior
If the other person talks quickly, speed up your speech to his or her pace. If the person speaks quietly, soften your voice to match his or hers. You can also match their body language. If he or she is sitting crossed legged, gradually adjust your posture and cross your legs in the same manner. Be sure to imitate their behaviors slowly and gradually so they don’t take notice. If you adjust your speech or posture too quickly or all at the same time, they might think you are mocking them and then you are out of rapport.
- Guide the other person’s behavior to match yours
Once you have matched the other person’s behaviors for a bit, you may find the conversation starting to flow somewhat easier. Then little by little adjust your behaviors to your level. This works especially well when the other person is irate or angry. After matching an angry person’s loud or forceful tone of voice, gradually lower your voice and slow your rate of speech. Watch how the other person follows your lead and the lines of communication widen.
Doreen holds an MBA and has spent over 18 years working at major corporations and small businesses in finance and marketing. As a certified professional development coach and workshop leader at Way to Goal! www.waytogoal.com
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
 Recently I was reminded of a hike that a former boss took her team on as a “team-building event” near the Delaware Water Gap between NJ and PA several years ago. Although I lived my entire life in NJ, I had never visited this picturesque area along the Delaware River that separates Pennsylvania and New Jersey. My boss was a woman of very few words, but that day a lot was communicated. As the team hiked up the path we joked with each other while complaining about how “out of shape” we all were.
At the top, we ate our lunches on a large rocky cliff that overlooked the Gap. It was a breathtaking view! We couldn’t believe that most of us had lived within a few hours of this area but hadn’t visited until that day. As we ate our lunches, our boss explained that our jobs were changing from focusing on the day-to-day details (e.g. the hike up the path) to the “big picture” (e.g. the scenic view).
About two months later, a layoff was announced. My boss had the unfortunate responsibility to lay off 50% of her team. I was so wrapped up in the fear of losing my job that I completely ignored what my boss must have been going through, yet never showed. Fortunately I wasn’t laid off but several of my colleagues were. A few years later, after I had changed jobs, I heard that my former boss, Margaret, had taken an early retirement and enrolled in school to learn landscape architecture (a completely different field from IT marketing). Within a year I learned that she had died of ovarian cancer.
I didn’t know it then, but my boss and that beautiful hike made a lasting impression on me. What was my boss really trying to tell us that day? Was she aware of the impending layoff? Did she really want to change careers herself? Did she know that her life would be shortened?
· This week, spend a few moments in the shower or on your way to/from work thinking about the “big picture” of your life including your current work, family, personal, social, health, etc. From this perspective ask yourself… What is breathtaking in my life? What am I truly grateful for?
· Next, ask yourself... Is my career moving in the direction I want? Is my personal life in alignment with my desires? What activities am I doing on a day-to-day basis that are leading me where I want to go?
I’ll never forget Margaret or the amazing impact she continues to have on my life... hopefully, on yours as well.
“This is your life, NOT a dress rehearsal!” (a cliché, but still true)
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Monday, September 28, 2009
 Last week, my son who’s in middle school came home with a writing assignment corrected by his English teacher. In the margins were red marks with both positive comments and feedback on how to improve his paper. Ugh! How I hated getting those red marks from teachers when I was in school. But like it or not, teachers are trying to do the right thing by providing much needed feedback on the writer’s own language/thought development and the way the writer expresses those thoughts.
Like writing in the margin of an English paper, we all could stand to be in the margin of our lives once in a while. Often we get swept up in our own stories forgetting about the margins. We get so wrapped up in our thoughts (T), Emotions (E) and Actions (A) (or TEAs) that we can’t see straight. We’ve been thinking, feeling and acting in certain ways for so long that we don’t realize they’ve become unconscious, they’ve become our identities.
By spending some time in the margins, we can witness our TEAs; take notes and analyze the manuscript of our lives. If you have ever worked with a coach or therapist, or even talking about problems with a friend, it’s like being in the margin. It’s slightly outside our selves, on the fringe of our lives looking in.
How often do you spend time in the margins of other people’s lives? When you judge other people or try to understand their behaviors, you are in the margin of their lives, taking notes, asking questions, observing them, drawing conclusions. Why not use that same strategy in your own margins?
Counseling, therapy, NLP, journaling, coaching are all great catalysts to help us become witnesses to our own thought patterns and how those thought patterns connect to our emotions and actions. But first we need to: 1) become aware of our own patterns of thoughts, emotions and actions and their interconnectedness, and 2) realize that we all have the ability and “responsibility” to make desired changes in our lives. That’s the big a-ha!
Here’s an example of how spending time in the margin of my own life, helped me to shift to a more resourceful state.
At a recent speaking engagement, I was feeling anxious and scared about presenting the next day. I didn’t feel I was prepared enough (or that’s what I was telling myself). Having practiced being in the margin in different areas of my life and work, I could easily recognize the trigger of anxiety that was starting to build in me as I thought about presenting the next day. I could observe how my thoughts of being unprepared fed my feelings of stress and fear, while the stress and fear fed my thoughts of being unprepared and inadequate.
I tested the limits to see how quickly my thoughts and emotions spiraled down to fear, anxiety and panic. And also witnessed those thoughts and feelings travel in the other direction upward as I explored feelings of ease, connection and clarity. What I noticed was that the fearful feelings were feedback that drove me away from my goal and the abundant, expansive feelings drew me closer to my goal. Although the latter was much more challenging, I was able to focus more on the good feelings (clarity, ease, and flow).
How was I able to shift? - by simply allowing the feelings of stress and anxiety to “be”. I wasn’t trying to “get over it” but to just experience that feeling and hold it to see what happens. I found I was able to disconnect the yucky, anxious feelings from the thoughts of being unprepared and reverse the direction upwards to thoughts that said, “You are prepared and if you forget what to say, don’t worry, you are good at thinking on your feet.” These thoughts fed better feelings like easiness, comfort and centeredness.
If you are just starting out with being in the margin, there are many exercises you could do such as a regular practice of relaxation or meditation. Any practices that can slow down the mind will help condition it to become a witness to thoughts, emotions and actions and reveal just how busy the mind actually is.
By carving out some time in our busy schedules to witness our TEAs, we can glean insights about ourselves, what we are doing well as well as what we would like to improve.
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
 Watching my son's ice hockey practice (all 9-10 year old boys) I recently observed an interesting drill. Each player would skate in a figure eight on the ice while stick-handling to keep the puck in control. This all seemed very normal and challenging on its own merit.
However, the coach added a higher level of difficulty which, I thought, would make or break the players' spirits. As the players skated around, the coach would pick up full-sized, bright orange caution cones (you know the ones you see on highway construction sites) and throw them at the players!
Let me paint a little picture for you. These cones are nearly half the size of most of these young boys, many of whom have trouble skating on their skates as it is. As a parent, you could probably guess I was at first shocked at the seemingly aggressive nature of this drill.
But, as I watched the players fall down, get back up again, skate some more and laugh, I saw how they learned to anticipate, use their peripheral vision, strengthen their stance to resist being knocked down, skate out of the way and avoid a cone as it came flying at them and most of all be excited, engaged and have lots of fun.
I realized what a great metaphor this drill is for real life. Some real life "caution cones" that can get in your way can include illness, car breakdowns or transportation delays, job offer rejections, lost jobs, sales or customers, low income flow, going off your healthy diet, etc.
Whether you are focusing on the individual tasks and activities of your larger goals or just going about your daily routine, take a look at how you are handling those "caution cones" that get thrown at you.
Ask yourself...
a) Is this an "obstacle?" - a minor disruption that I can simply avoid or detour, or
b) Is it a "roadblock?" - a strong emotional charge or feeling, often negative about this situation, event, person that stops me from moving ahead
If your answer is an "obstacle", great! Keep doing what you are doing and look for another way around, over, under or through the obstacle. No worries, no anxieties, just take the detour.
If your answer is a "roadblock", that's common and can get in people's way, but it can be overcome. The following is called the SWISH Process (a popular NLP process) that can help you.
1- Take a few moments, close your eyes, and take a few slow deep breaths in and out.
2- Watch your "obstacle movie": Replay the situation including the obstacle, as if you were watching a movie, in your mind. What does the obstacle movie look like (visual)? What are the sounds (auditory)? What does it feel like in your body (kinesthetic)? How big/ how loud/how strong is it? Play it from beginning all the way to the end two times through.
3 - Choose a "powerful scene": Envision a scene when you feel the opposite of what you are feeling when faced with your obstacle. This can be a scene from a past situation or a potential scene from a future scenario, anything that gives you pleasant, joyful, wonderful feelings. Describe in your mind that feeling as fully and completely as you can... what are you doing, seeing, hearing, feeling? Make it as colorful, bright and big as you can.
4 - SWISH process: Rerun your original "obstacle movie" (from number 2 above) a third time, but right before the point where that yucky emotional feeling overtakes you, take a snapshot of that obstacle scene and hold it. Then envision a pinhole in the center of that obstacle scene and quickly see your "powerful scene" flash through that pinhole big and bright right in front of you.... Say "SWISH!" as your "powerful scene" overtakes your obstacle scene and fills you with all of those pleasant, wonderful feelings.
5- Repeat the SWISH process (number 4) three more times, each time getting faster, until you can only feel those pleasant feelings and not the yucky ones.
2a (Optional) - While you are running through your "obstacle movie", you can optionally ask that emotional charge what message it's trying to tell you? In other words, why do you think you are feeling this way about the situation/obstacle at this time? There may be lesson here that you need to hear or understand. Keep asking yourself this question over again. You may just get a glimpse of a memory, a symbol, anything. Once you have the message, the emotional charge may dissipate on its own. Then continue from number 3 above.
Repeat this process as many times as necessary. We don't have to let simple obstacles become emotional roadblocks preventing us from traveling on our road to success.
I hope you enjoyed this month's newsletter. I look forward to seeing/hearing you at one of my upcoming events.
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By host on
Monday, July 13, 2009
Are you in a life or career transition?
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If you are, you may be feeling:
 fear about making the wrong decision
lost and unclear where to turn
overwhelmed by the significance of your decision
a sense of desperation or urgency to make a quick decision
confused and worried about which direction to take and lack a plan of action
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Announcing my newest coaching service...
COACH NOW! with Doreen Amatelli, Professional Certified Coach
A fast-acting, laser coaching service (1 or 2 sessions) where you can focus on your most pressing challenges and needs. Whether your issue is related to relationships, career, lifestyle or other area of your life, this coaching service may be just what you need.
In two(2) sessions or less, you will:
 feel understood, supported and less lonely
feel a sense of hope
gain clarity for your next steps
find the strength and confidence to move forward and make the best decisions
This service is NOT ongoing weekly coaching sessions. Just 1 or 2 laser focused sessions conducted over the telephone to help you refocus and regain clarity for your next steps.
Contact me at doreen@waytogoal.com to learn more.
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By host on
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
One of my former clients has agreed to allow me to share this excerpt of a recent coaching session.
Client: I have made great progress in some areas of my life but not in others. What I have truly realized, however, is the power of focus.
Coach: What do you mean the power of focus?
Client: I mean that whatever I put my attention to (e.g. job, family) for an extended period of time (days, weeks, months), that’s what develops and gets manifested in my life.
Coach: Wow! That sounds like you have an amazing ability to really make things happen in your life.
Client: Yes, in one way I feel confident that I am able to do this. On the other hand, it’s burning me out because it I need to exert a lot of mental effort in order to accomplish all the things I want to. Not only do I have to focus for a prolonged period of time on something but I have to change my focus often to be sure everything in my life gets done. I feel like if I let up for one minute, then the project won’t keep moving ahead or ultimately get completed.
Coach: Why do you think you need to work so hard putting forth this mental effort to accomplish all these things?
Client: I believe that the more hard work (effort) you put toward something, the greater the results and reward. And I want to do it all.
Coach: Hmmm… do you always have to put in so much effort for so long to reap the rewards?
Client: For the most part, yes. But there are some great things that have happened in my life for which I cannot explain how they occurred. I didn’t really put too much effort into them. I guess it was luck.
Coach: Luck? Or co-creation?
Let me explain. When you plant a garden, initially you put a lot of focus preparing the soil, planting the seeds and adding water. Once that’s done, you allow nature to take its course and thus shift your focus to other things in your life and less focus on the garden. After some time when you notice the seedlings breaking through the earth you shift your focus back to the garden for a period of time to tend to the weeding, fertilization, etc. That’s co-creating your reality. You are working in conjunction with other forces in the world to create what you want—i.e. a fruitful garden.
In what areas of your life are you similar to the client above...always putting so much effort and mental strain toward a project, your employee, your teenager, your spouse and never letting go?
What if you did let go? Shifting your attention completely away from it for awhile?
What do you think would happen? Would everything fall apart? Or would the other forces in the world step up and do its part to co-create your fruitful garden?
This week try letting go of just one thing that you’ve been focusing on. Maybe something that hasn’t given you the results you desire yet. Allow nature to take its course for one week then journal about what happens including your thoughts and feelings.
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By host on
Monday, June 29, 2009
 “...but, I have to be reasonable. I mean I can’t try to make a career for myself in something I have no experience in, right?” exclaims Bill.
I frequently get this type of comment. Many people who I come into contact with make similar comments. Without realizing it, they have already put limits on themselves before they even try.
Have you ever secretly fantasized about what it would be like to actually work in another profession? Some people have hidden passions to work in a line of work that is totally unrelated to their current careers or outward personalities.
A former colleague of mine who is an extremely analytical person who has taught statistics at the college level had a secret passion to be in the music business. Earlier this year, this individual decided he would try out his fantasy career and promote a significant musical performance here in the US for an internationally known artist of India. He and a minor partner organized and managed every aspect of this event from booking the artist, obtaining the venue, marketing, promotion, logistics, etc. for over 600 audience members. The interesting thing is he did this mostly all on his own while working full-time at a major healthcare corporation. And, to top it off, he actually made money on the event! Not bad for a first timer.
You may never know how much success is in store for you if you never try.
So, Bill (and all of you reading this article), you have every right to stay within your comfort zone. And you also have every right to test out a totally new profession. You can simply try it out on the side to see if it is something you may want to pursue further.
Here are some ideas for testing the waters of your fantasy vocation:
· Volunteer for an organization in the field of your choice
· Obtain a part-time or weekend position with a company or industry
· Work as an apprentice for someone in your desired profession
· Take a class or seminar related to your passion
· Write a complete story about what it would be like to work in your desired field
· Dedicate a brief period of time such as a vacation period, long weekend, or leave of absence from your current job to explore opportunities in your wanted career
· Schedule an “informational interview” or informal lunch with one or more individuals from an organization related to your beloved line of work
· Set aside a few weeks or months to work on the side of your current job
· Read books, journals, magazines and other literature related to your interest
· Join associations or organizations related to your trial profession
There are many more ideas that you may have. Try one and see what happens!
Copyright 2009 Doreen Amatelli. All Rights Reserved
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By host on
Sunday, June 21, 2009
It has been known that anger, hostility and stress are associated with heart disease, asthma and other ailments. Is it possible that happiness can lead to a better life?
Recent science suggests that happiness can lead to good performance, better health, resilience and a long life. According to one study conducted by Professor Ed Diener from the University of Illinois, happy people live longer than depressed people by approximately 9 years!
“I’ll be happy when… ”. Most people assume that success or achieving a certain outcome in the future will make them happy. But a review of over 200 studies by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky suggests that it’s usually the other way around. Happiness tends to make people more successful in terms of fulfilling relationships, high incomes, superior work performance, community involvement and robust health.
How do you increase your happiness? The three main ingredients for a person to be happy are:
1) Having deep relationships with family and friends
2) Believing in something bigger than yourself (e.g. religion, spirituality, philosophy of life)
3) Having goals that you strongly believe, that utilize your strengths and abilities and that you find enjoyable.
This month, choose one of these three elements to work on to improve your overall happiness. It just might change your life!
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By Doreen Amatelli on
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Have you ever expected an upcoming event to be wonderful only to have it turn out to be disappointing, or worse? Conversely, have you ever feared or stressed about a future event only to find out that it wasn’t as bad as you had once imagined? Think about it.
Recently I had an opportunity to visit some places I had gone to on vacation when I was a child, like Hershey Park, PA. I have childhood memories of a magical place with a huge, picturesque amusement park, street lights shaped like Hershey Kisses that stood high above the ground, and key chains and other souvenirs that smelled like chocolate heaven.
I went back with the hopes of offering a similar experience to my family, and I experienced something quite different. It was a noisy amusement park with less of a picturesque backdrop and a strong commercial atmosphere where souvenirs of every shape, size and variety of Hershey’s chocolate imaginable are found on an entire floor of Hershey’s Chocolate World. I found it interesting that despite my disappointment, my family and I had a wonderful time. Why were my experiences so different? What had changed?
The difference is in our perspectives or perceptions. What is real for children seems imagined to adults. Things that appear to be huge at one time can turn out to seem so small later on. Try this to see how you can apply this...
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What is the one thing that seems to be the biggest fear, barrier or problem facing you right now—your boss, money, your family, boredom, etc.?
- Project yourself into the future (e.g. 1 week, 3 months, or 5 years) looking back on your problem you were faced with today.
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How does this problem appear to you from the future? What feelings come up when you imagine this problem from the future perspective?
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How does this situation appear if the situation was over or the problem solved? What feelings come up when you imagine it from this perspective?
Journal your insights or talk with a trusted friend or coach about your experiences.
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Let's Connect...
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Way to Goal!, LLC * doreen@waytogoal.com
Copyright 2004-2011 Doreen Amatelli, All Rights Reserved.
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